Living Out My Dreams

Destroying Fear in Order to Discover Myself

What’s good y’all?!?!?!?

Man, it’s been a long time; a brotha’s been busy. I’ve been hustlin’, grinding, soaking up local color, and growing. I just came back from a week long vacation in my hometown, Kansas City, MO. I was starting to become boggled down by the fast pace and intense pressures of New York. It was mandatory to be around friends and family, they are the ones who can remind you of your true self. In New York, I was beginning to lose myself; I was like an android. I was becoming lost in the intimidation of New York. I wasn’t working on my craft; I was worrying about bills, my next paycheck, and doubting both my talents and my abilities as an adult. I kept asking myself, “Do I have what it takes? Can I really live in New York?” When those negative thoughts start to manipulate you into thinking that they are your true thoughts it is important for you to take a break and recharge. You have to take those thoughts captive and replace them with real truth.

I’m happy to inform everyone that I’ve finally landed a new gig. I am performing with a great company called Starlight Orchestras. It is a company that performs for weddings, private events, and corporate events. You won’t believe it, but I’m singing and rapping in the band. Yeah, I can’t believe it either. I’m having a blast being Akil (my rapping alter ego) on stage. It is challenging, but I welcome it.

My journey in New York has been amazing and stressful at the same time. It seems like my life has become nothing, but leaps of faith. Leaving school to chase my dream in New York was a huge leap of faith. I’m learning to trust God whole-heartedly when there is no sign of direction at that present moment. I can say that that has been the hardest lesson that I had to learn. As a man, we have a hard time letting go of things; we want to fix whatever is broken. We want to be the savior or hero to save the day. We become frustrated when the problem is out of our control. Not being able to let go and let God was the thief that was robbing me of peace of mind. In the process of change, I’m learning more and more about God and myself.

Guess what? I’m finally working on some new music. I know y’all are like, “Finally, MAN!!!” I’m finally being obedient. I now understand what was hindering my creativity. I was what was hindering me from creating. I let fear and self-doubt take complete control of my life leaving me a walking dead man. I wasn’t living; I was living a life of “unpleasant feelings of apprehension and distress.” Fear is not of God and living in complete panic isn’t living at all. I had to be reintroduced to the man God called me to be.

I think I’m starting to understand who I am as an artist. I’m beginning to identify what I want and how I want it created. I believe that once you identify who you are in Christ you will soon be able to understand who you are as an artist. I’m loving this process. I’m beginning to live again and that is truly amazing!


When creating a song you are forced to expose wounds and unveil the truths of your life. My goal is to expose my wounds in order for those to be healed and inspired. I’m working on one particular song with a cat named, Jamba; it is bananas (sorry, New York slang)! It is currently untitled. The song tackles the tiresome cycle of falling in love with someone who falls in love with someone else. Instead of becoming their man you become her best friend. That is my story…. That has happened to me about 5 times, I’m not joking. I can’t wait till you hear it.

Anyway, I’m going to wrap it up here, folks. I promise that I won’t keep you in the dark anymore. Shame on me! I will be sure to keep you informed on my latest blessings, wounds, and lessons. I appreciate your prayers and your love, I truly feel it over here. I can’t wait to see what God is about to do!!!!!


Peace,

Rah


P.S. I finally got to meet one of my greatest influences, Van Hunt ( my older brother). He ripped it at S.O.B’s!!!!
Oh... y'all got to check out an artist by the name of Janelle Monae She is amazing!!! DON'T SLEEP!!!!

The Waiting Game

What's good, Y'all?!?!

I know it's been a long time since I last talked to you. A lot has been going on in my life, a lot of lessons learned. Can you believe that last August marked my one year anniversary in New York. Time goes so fast. I believe that I have officially learned to be on the grind in New York. I've been working doubles, auditioning, and networking in order to get closer to my dreams.


I'm not going to lie to you, this has been the hardest year of my life. We have it rough in this business. We have to experience rejection on a daily in order to get an acceptance in the future. It is emotionally and spiritually draining. Every time a door closes I have to pick myself up and encourage myself. It is far to easy to become discouraged in this land of opportunity. I almost have to give myself a pep talk every now and again to keep me sane. I have to remind myself that God has called me to use my talents and I have to remind myself that my time will come only if I remain faithful to Him.


I realized that life is a waiting game. Yes, waiting builds your charachter. And yes, it makes you want it more; It gives you the drive. Y'all, I have been impatient at times waiting on God. I find myself wondering, "God, when will my time start? When will opportunities open up for me?" I know, I sound like a big ole baby, huh? But that is real. I have to get it into my thick head that God's timing is perfect. He will unfold His plan for me when I am ready. He will unleash a plethora of blessings my way when I am faithful with the little things.


The hardest part of this journey is loneliness. I do have some friends, but I don't see them on the regular like I would see my friends on campus when I was at Belmont. In the midst of this loneliness, I believe that God is trying to get me alone so I can be content with Him, so that He can be sufficent. I have been praying that God would provide like-minded, positive people around me everyday. For the time being, Jesus has got to be all that I need.


Hey y'all, I had my first show two weeks ago. I performed along other independent artists in Brooklyn. I had sooooo much fun. It felt so good to be on that stage again. I do believe that I was going through "performance withdrawl" for a minute. When I'm onstage, I'm free; I'm at home. I didn't want to leave that stage and I sure didn't want to leave "Dreamsville" and go back to "Worksville." I can't wait until my passion becomes my job.


Hey guys, I'm getting back to my acting. I am so excited; I have abandoned acting for years. I start taking acting classes at Stella Adler in January. For those who don't know, Theater was my major in college prior to Belmont. One day, I woke up and I was like, "Why not?" I didn't realize how much I missed it until I auditioned for a Spike Lee film in Brooklyn. Can you believe it? Spike Lee???!?!?The film was based off of a book titled, "Miracle at St. Anna." The story covered the African American soldiers' involvement in World War II. Like an actor, I prepared for the role. I cut off my hair and all of my facial hair except a 1940's thin mustache. I read the book and researched WWII, the clothes, and the stories told by African Americans in the war. I wanted it SOOOOO bad, I couldn't hardly sleep at night. That was when I realized that acting still burned inside of me; it was still my passion. I didn't get the part, but that passion gave me the fuel to keep going.


I have to learn to embrace this struggle. I have to love the ups and downs of my life. These moments of discomforts and disappointments are making me into the man that God has called me to be. These moments are creating my story. I have to be content. God, is doing His thing; I have to trust Him. What is for me is for me. No one can take that away from me, not even myself. Keep praying for me and my families as I pray for you and yours.





Love y'all
Ra


P.S. Oh...this year has been an exciting year for music. Jill Scott's new album, "The Real Thing" is amazing. My wife, Alicia Keys (Sears)'s (lol) album is coming out on November 13th. My girl, Mary J. Blige's album, "Growing Pains" will be in stores on November 20th. Don't miss out on these albums.

Subscribe to my Podcast

Hey Guys,
I just started my own podcast. Crazy huh?? I know that I've been a little slow with updating you. Please forgive me. My podcast will also be a way for you to keep yourself updated on what's going down with me. You can subscribe to my podcast on my blog, my myspace, or itunes. I'm trying to do the hi-tech stuff now (lol).

Talk to y'all later,
Ra


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The Dreamgirls Audition

What’s good y’all?


I know it’s been a long time. I’m guilty of neglect. I’m been mad busy, on the grind. Let’s see, what’s been going on in crazy world of Raffeal. I had my first call back for a show. I auditioned for Gateway Productions' Dreamgirls. I was so excited. I went in there and showed them what I had or thought I had. I came into the vocal audition with Sam Cooke’s humorous but flirtatious song, “Please Don’t You Drive Me Away.” I lost myself in that song, I was making faces all over the place. Y’all know I can make some ugly faces when I sing.


After I sang the last note the director said, “Could you come back at 3:30 for movements?” “Yes,” I quickly replied. Yes, rolled off of my lips so fast that I almost ignored the fact that I had to go to work at 3. “Oh Lord, what am I going to do?” I needed to find someone to cover at least the first 3 hours of my shift so I could be able to come back to the callbacks.


I rushed down the stairs and started calling everyone at work; I was getting nowhere. I kept getting voicemails and the same answer, “Well, I can’t. I made plans.” I was about to go crazy. I knew that I couldn’t miss this opportunity. It would have eaten me up if I went to work and missed the callbacks. I couldn’t miss this opportunity, this is what I came to New York for. As soon as I stopped worrying about it, one of my co-workers decided to cover my shift. See, I need to quit tripping and trust that God is going to work things out.

So I get back to the audition, still wearing the same clothes that I wore for the vocal audition. I spent all of my time searching for someone to cover my shift that it prevented me from going back home, to the Bronx, to get some dance clothes. It was a funny sight. I was the only one in jeans and dress shoes. I was a mess. Everybody’s all comfortable stretching and all and here I am in some jeans trying to do “movements”.

The choreographer came in and showed us what he wanted us to learn. “This ain’t movements… this is dancing!" I said in my head. "I thought they said movements, not dancing.” I was expecting some Temptations or The Four Tops kind of “movements” not Alvin Ailey. Besides, I was auditioning for Cee Cee; Cee Cee doesn’t dance. I didn't do my research; in the original Broadway cast, Cee Cee dances in "Step Into The Bad Side." I was so off guard.


When I say that I was a mess, I was a mess. When the other dancers turned right; I turned left. They shifted with the balls of their feet; I shifted with my heel. Have you ever seen the episode of I Love Lucy, when Lucy goes to take ballet lessons? You know, the one where she gets her foot caught in the bar and she’s falling out everywhere? Yep, that was quite similar to what I looked like.


Umm...I don’t think dance is my calling and I’m cool with that. Well, at least they liked my singing. I know I was a mess, up there trying to be Mikhail Baryshnikov (do your research if you don't know who he is.) Shoot, if I was the casting director, I wouldn’t put me in the show either. I must admit, I need to take some dance lessons. Maybe one day, I’ll be as good as Alvin Ailey or shoot, Alvin Love (lol). I ain't going to lie, I was disappointed that I didn’t get into the show, but I was fine. I know what God has for me is for me. I just enjoyed laughing at myself. Man, I wished y'all could have seen it.


Peace,
RA
P.S. Keep praying for me...I feel them.

Realizing Who I Am.. Forgeting Who I Think I Am

What's good fam?
I'm doing well, y'all. Been on the grind here in New York. It's been rough, but I know that everything is necessery for my growth. It's a hustle up here in New York. If you see someone working hard at what you want to do, it is mandatory for you to work harder than them. The ones that hustle win. I do understand that the hustle can cause one to become so busy that he leaves God out of journey. I will tell you the truth, that happened to me. All those times that I hit a bump was probably those times when I relied on myself instead of the Lord. Jesus was like, "Little boy, if you don't quit trying to take charge."

Thanks for you guys' prayers and encouragement, the journey is becoming a little easier. Recently, I've been reading a book called, "Victory Over the Darkness" by Neil T. Anderson. It's been BLOWING MY MIND. I read the book about two years ago, but man, God's been revealing alot to me this time. The book emphasizes the importance of the power of understanding your identity in Christ. It goes through the Bible and reminds us of what God said we are after we accept him. We easily forget who we are. We are in a world that wants to be impressed. We base who we are by what the world says we are. We base who we are on what we feel we are. The book is challenging me each day to remember that I am a son of Christ, I am joint heirs to him, and I am adopted into the family of Christ and the devil can't touch me. Whoo! That's powerful! The challenging part about this is the fact that I have to believe this everyday, even when my feelings says otherwise. Get the book. Half.com has it for $1.92.

Hmm...in other news, Melinda Doolittle has been killing it on American Idol hasn't she? Y'all BETTA BE VOTING! She is representing Belmont University.

I just started writing again. I know it's been along time since "Do You Wanna Go," but I'm getting the inspiration back. I truly, believe that I was the problem. I was getting in the way of writing new songs. I made it up in my head that I couldn't write. I believed the lie that I wasn't good enough. I kept saying that I had writer's block. Writer's block ain't nothing but fear. See that is why it is important to understand who you truly are. So yeah, I'm getting back to it. Please pray that the creative floodgates open. (PRAYER REQUEST TIME) Pray that God would place me around folks who believe in my dream and those who would be willing to help me along my journey into this industry.

Well, I just wanted to keep y'all updated since I haven't talked to y'all in a while. Oooh.. before I forget, check out these artists. I've been listening to their music recently and it's been blowing my mind. Musiq, Eric Roberson, and Amy Winehouse's albums are coming out this month, so you BETTA BUY IT!!! Don't sleep on this music. Thanks to VH1.com you have the privilege to listen to Amy and Musiq's albums before they come out. Just click on the links below. Leave a comment and let me know what you think.

Amy Winehouse
Musiq Soulchild
Chester Gregory
Steph Jones
Eric Roberson
Afta 1

Peace,
RA

Overcoming Myself and My Own Understanding

Today was difficult. I was left with confusion, regret, and discouragement gnawing at my heart and my mind. I was on the verge of throwing in the towel, giving up. I wanted so badly to give up. I didn't want to die or anything; I almost wanted to give up on pursing my dreams. I think that this was the lowest point of my life, mentally and spiritually. I was so overwhelmed with the pressures of my life. I was worried about my bills, my mom, my disobedience, and my incompetent career as an actor and singer. It just looked like nothing was turning out quite like I expected it. The option of going back to Belmont was becoming an option. I was considering going back to my comfort zone.


I was so overcome with discouragement that I couldn’t think correctly. Hope seemed to have left me, while trouble seemed to keep following me. I felt like I was destined for pain and misfortune. I felt like I was destined to struggle. While others were living their dreams I was struggling. I just felt like God was forgetting all about me.

On 33rd street, I bumped into one of my friends from Missouri Boy’s State. I couldn’t believe that I just recognized him in a sea of people. The world is not big at all. We started to catch up while we were on the subway; I was on my way to a August Wilson Symposium. I started to spill my life to Havis; I didn’t mean to, but I had to talk to someone. Across from us was this black woman who seemed to have a permanent smile on her face. Her face was very kind.

Before I reached my stop, the woman reached over and gave me some index cards with scriptures from James written on them. “You Betta Preach,” was the only thing that came out of my mouth. I was so taken back by God’s ability to remind me that He is still there in the midst. At that moment I felt like everything was going to be just fine; He has my back.

The symposium was amazing. It was exactly what I needed; I needed some kind of inspiration. Robert O’Meally( author of "Lady Day: The Many Faces of Billie Holiday) was there, Kevin Carroll (Broadway actor), and most importantly, Ruben Santiago-Hudson (Lackawanna Blues) was there. I was on cloud 9. Y'all know how much I love Lackawanna Blues!To hear them talk passionately about the works of Mr. August Wilson left me in awe. They talked with so much conviction and passion.

The evening became a theatrical workshop when Ruben and Kevin tag teamed monologues and dialogues from some Mr. Wilson’s plays. I was on the edge of my seat taking notes. I couldn’t believe that I was experiencing this. They both got lost in August’ way of conveying the African American experience through rhythm. “It’s all about the rhythm. You have to work towards the thought of what the character is trying to say,” Ruben explained. August’s plays were like music. It captivated people and changed lives just like music does. I was eating this all up.

At the end of the symposium, I had to meet Mr. Santiago-Hudson. He was a major influence on me as an actor. I walked up to him, shook his hand and fell apart. I was so emotionally unstable at this moment, but I had to talk to him. “Sir, I’m so influenced by you. I loved your work in Lackawanna Blues.” My nerves began to rob me of what I wanted to say. In order to combat the incompetence to speak I had to say exactly how I felt. “Sir, (sigh) I want to learn from you.... and I don’t know if it is possible… I wouldn’t care if you just wanted to share with me about a certain blues song… it doesn’t matter.” At this moment, I lost myself. “Sir, I just moved to New York in August to follow my dreams as an actor and a singer. But recently, it’s been hard.” My eyes began to water, “ today was very discouraging. My dream is so big that I don’t know how to start pursuing it. I came to this symposium to get that encouragement, that inspiration that I needed.”

He smiled at me. I just knew that he was thinking that I was a lunatic. “I know what you are going through; I was once there. Here, take down my email address so we could get some coffee or tea and talk.” I was about to fall out. “You know I have a blues band, I might let you come and sing with us some time. Keep in contact with me.”
At that moment, the moment when my eyes started to tear up, I realized that I was equally passionate about acting ust as I am about music. I knew at that moment that I seriously want to pursue acting too. When the tears started to form, I was like, “where did that come from?” I was passionate about it.

I was crying out to Mr. Santiago-Hudson. I just wanted someone to take me seriously and see my heart, my determination. I wanted guidance. I wanted wisdom. I will never forget that experience. God knew exactly what I needed.
I realized that today was the breaking point that people must go through when they pursue their dreams. This sort of breaking point is what separates the soldiers from the ordinary people. You have to go through this period of darkness and warfare in order for the dream to develop into your reality. Most of the time, people retreat when this period comes into their lives. I couldn’t give up. As much as I wanted to give up there was something inside me saying, “Ra, you can’t give up.” I seriously couldn’t give up. God has me in New York for a reason. I have to just give everything to him, all of my problems. I have to be still and watch Him work. I’m going to be ok. He said, that He would finish the work that he started in me. He would give me the desires of my heart. I am a performer who is joint heir to the King who owns cattle on a thousand hills. I will be just fine.

I have to claim my dreams!

Yours,

Ra
P.S. If you haven't seen Lackawanna Blues you are definately sleep. WAKE UP!!!